Time

Hugh the Ref
Photo Courtesy of Jeff Hughes

I have to say that I do hate computers! For those of you that know me well, I am a bit challenged when it comes to computers! For the past few days the blog would not let me get onto it. I sat for what felt like hours trying to get the stupid "parental block" off of the computer. It was blocking me from even getting onto the blog! This really is my therapy. A social worker that I work with told me to journal. He said that really helps with grief. Well, I am not the best at keeping a journal but I decided that writing on this blog and writing to our oldest son serving a mission is like "journaling"! So, a good friend of ours came to my rescue and "fixed" our computer so that I have access again. Thanks Al! :)

Time......there never seems to be enough time. Especially now for us as a family. Hugh did return from the hospital on Wednesday afternoon. He headed straight for the bed. After a week in a hospital bed, there is nothing like returning to your own bed. Basically he really has not left that spot since he returned home. My Aunt in Alaska sent us new sheets for our bed.....smart lady! Going to bed has never felt so good. I blame her for Hugh not wanting to get out of bed. The last few days in the hospital Hugh was gaining some of his energy back. He completed radiation to his brain on Wednesday. We met with the Radiation Oncologist after his treatment. He spent quite some time with us. All of the doctors have been shocked as to the progression of this cancer. This most recent event was due to a reaction to the medication that is used during radiation for the swelling that may occur in the brain. Upon discharge, Hugh's labs had returned to normal. The doctors said that his prognosis does not change with the events of the past week. We were excited to have him home.

Well, each day Hugh seems to decline more and more. Thus, never having enough time to do some of the things that have been left undone. He is taking in very little orally and like I said previously is sleeping almost 90% of the time. Everything has just seemed to happen so fast. That good old saying to live each day as though it were your last is so true. You just never know what life may throw at you. I do know however that we are NEVER given anything that we cannot handle. Our ability to "handle" things as a family is only possible with the love and support that we have so felt from all of our family and friends. Thank you for the prayers in our behalf. There is a peace that comes from knowing and feeling that. We did sign Hugh onto hospice today. The hospice agency that I work for, Sunbrook Home Health and Hospice, is going to follow Hugh. I could not do this without the support of my work either. They have been truly amazing. Thank you. We do not feel that Hugh has much time left on this earth. Of course no one has a crystal ball and we know that we are not in charge. Time will only tell. For now we continue to cherish every moment.

Last night the seniors and coaches from the Brighton soccer team came to our house. (Our son, Jerry is one of those seniors!) They came to offer support and to let Hugh know that they dedicated the game in honor to him today. The team has arm bands that they wear for each game with Hugh's initials on them. They presented Hugh with a ball that they all signed. For that period of time that was spent with those boys, gathered around our bed, Hugh was alert and able to share some thoughts and much humor. We all laughed and cried together. After, Hugh slept once again. During our visit with the team, we discussed the importance of friends and supporting each other. So many times in life we may not know what someone is faced with or that they may be hurting. We just need to not pass judgment and support each other. This I have so found in my kids friends. Teenagers need their friends. We are so blessed that our kids have good, supportive friends. Thank you all! Hugh told his brother this morning that he did not want visitors because he needed to get a good rest so that he would be able to go to Jerry's High School game. We did not think that would happen, but sure enough, he was able to muster just enough energy to get out of the house and to the car and watch the soccer game from the car. We know in our hearts that this is probably the last soccer game that Hugh will be able to attend. Fortunately, the team won! We did laugh about the fact that Jerry asked the coach if they lost, could they dedicate the next game in his honor to make sure that the game that was dedicated was one of the games they won!

Family......there is nothing like family. Through this process for us we have grown so much closer together. Not only just our family but the extended family as well. Hugh's family has been such a support to us. His brother, Bruce arrived yesterday from Alabama. It has been nice to have him be able to spend time with Hugh. His older brother and little sister and mom spent many hours at the hospital and with us now. This has been especially difficult for them to watch this progression. Hugh lost his dad to the same thing when he was a senior in high school. His siblings were the same age as our kids now. I could not handle this situation without my brothers and mom. My oldest brother lives in Arizona and my dad passed away several years ago. My mom was out of town when Hugh initially had his seizure. My brother Jaren filled shoes by being my mom and dad and other brother all in one!
I feel like I am rambling and I probably am. I just have all of these things inside my head! Many of the staff at Huntsman have these pins that say, "Cancer Sucks." I have thought a lot about that. At first I thought, geeze get me one of those things. But as I have reflected over this journey, I think that I would not want one of those silly pins. Yes, this situation is not easy. Even if we think that we are ready to loose a loved one, it is still difficult. I know that I have grown and learned more from this journey than not. We have had so many blessings and tender mercies that we have grown from that I would never change. Sometimes those difficult things we go through in life are really life's best lessons. So yes, I don't like this stupid illness and I am mad that it is changing our world for this brief moment but it has helped us have such a different perspective and has strengthened us far more.

Daren.....Mexico City West Mission. Our Stake President spoke with the Mission President in Mexico City and arranged for us to call Daren in the morning. We feel that he needs to be able to talk with Hugh while he can. We will be able to call again if needed. Some of you receive Daren's letters and know that he is doing well. Yes, this is such a difficult situation for him. Many people have asked if he will come home for a short period of time. This is entirely up to Daren and we will support his decision either way. I think that I have shared before that at Daren's farewell, he shared how he waited and waited for a medical confirmation that his dad would be well. He did not receive that confirmation but said that he received a different confirmation. That confirmation of knowing that no matter what happens on this earthly life it is but a moment in time and that all would be well. Daren will do what Daren needs to do. I know that we will be able to get through this and I have shared with him how much love and support we have. Again, we could never thank everyone enough for all of the support in so many different ways. Please don't forget us, especially the kids when all of this is behind us. We will still need that support. I have learned so much from everyone and only hope that one day, I will be able to pay it forward! Thanks to all of you from the bottom of our hearts. For now, the Deardens will just enjoy the time that we have together.