Funeral Address by David

Funeral Address for Hugh Gunn Dearden

11 Apr 2011

The fact that so many of you are here, and so many more wished to be here, is a testament to the influence my brother’s life has had and of the love that so many felt toward him and his family. Though I did not want to admit it, I have known for some time that I would need to give this talk. Hugh asked me a few months ago to do it, and I objected at first: “I don’t want to speak at your funeral!” I said, but on further reflection I told him that if that day came I would consider it a privilege and an honor. Now that day is here, and we have a few minutes to rejoice together in Hugh’s life and accomplishments. I suppose I should be one of the ones who should rejoice the most, as I have known Hugh for all the 48 years of his life.

A few of you may know that this is not the first time I have spoken at a funeral like this one. Thirty years ago, our father Melvin Dearden passed away, under circumstances uncannily similar to those that Hugh and his family have just experienced. My heart goes out to Mom, who has had to go through this twice! And to Diane, who has borne the brunt of this so courageously. While the last few days have been hard for us on the mortal side of the veil that separates this life from the next, I’m sure a glorious and joyful reunion took place on the other side last Monday. I picture my beaming father introducing Hugh to everyone there with sacred words: “This is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased.” I don’t want to dwell on that much more today, except to say to Diane, Daren, Jerry, Libby, and Conner, that although these things are among the most challenging we experience in mortality, I know some of what you have been through, and what you will go through, because our father’s family has walked some of that road already. You can do it. The power of the Comforter that was promised by our Savior, and to which you have a right because of the covenants you have made with him, is real and will continually bless your lives. You have already experienced, in the midst of this terrible trial, many of the tender mercies extended by a loving Father in Heaven, and I promise you those will continue.

As I’ve looked around over the past week, I see many things that remind me of my big little brother.

For instance, I’m wearing a blue wristband, on which are written the words, “Where there is life … there is hope.” This is something my father frequently said during his illness, and which Hugh embraced and said a lot as well. I understand Libby heard this, and was instrumental in having the wristbands made. Hugh was always full of hope, and that is part of the legacy he leaves for us. And we continue to have hope, because the truth is that there is ALWAYS hope, because of the infinite and eternal atonement carried out by our elder brother, Jesus Christ. We have great hope in the resurrection, and in the ability to overcome our weaknesses and be perfected and lifted to greater things. This kind of hope burned very bright in my brother, and is an example to us all.

The other night, I spent a few minutes sitting in the bedroom Hugh grew up in, just up the hill from here. On the wall is a nice set of antlers from a hunting trip, and this brings back a flood of memories. When we were little, we lived in Texas and Louisiana. One of our favorite things to do was to come on family vacation. We loved those family trips together, always associated with “going home” to Utah. An essential part of each trip was that Dad would take all his boys fishing. So Hugh learned about how you had to hold your mouth right to catch fish (anything but the whiney position, known as “boobing” in our family, was OK). He learned the places to go on the Weber River above Henefer, but the best places were on the Whitney Forest Reserve in the Uintahs, where our grandfather Dearden kept sheep in the summer. There you could catch native cutthroat trout, and not have to settle for planted rainbows. That was sacred ground to us, and still is. It is where Hugh learned to love the outdoors, fishing, and later, hunting. He loved being outdoors amidst God’s creations.

On a set of shelves in that same room is a nice collection of sports trophies: mostly baseball and softball, some football, and a few other sports thrown in. Somewhere Hugh has an old, beat-up, Charlie Brown-style baseball mitt that originally belonged to our Dad. Hugh started playing PeeWee and Little League baseball in Houston, Texas and later New Orleans, Louisiana, and he was always good at it. Hugh was always the best athlete in the family, by far. He kept playing when we moved to Utah, and added high school football and church basketball and softball. He was a competitor with a drive to win. Giving up was not in him. He understood very well the scriptural injunction to “endure to the end,” to play with his all to the final whistle, and now he has done it. He has passed that legacy to his children, all of whom have athletic talent and winning hearts.

Hugh was a graduate of the University of Utah, but he has a closet full of BYU tee shirts, hats, and other Cougar fan essentials. I used to think my Dad was the greatest BYU sports fan who ever lived, but I believe Hugh now deserves the title. He rejoiced in every BYU victory. Like me, Hugh could be a little grumpy when the Cougars did not prevail. I will treasure the memory of going to the final home football game of last season with him this past fall; it was a good day, as BYU won. While you may or may not agree with his preferences, I hope you can with me admire Hugh’s loyalty to his favorite team.

Later in life, Hugh discovered soccer. While I know he enjoyed the beautiful game, he loved it mostly because his children loved it and he loved watching them play—family was what it was really all about. He reveled in seeing Jerry making a good tackle or Conner making a great save. I suspect he will continue to love the game and to watch, although as Jerry says he’ll now be able to do so from a much better seat. I hope we can all, like Hugh, develop a passion to love things together with our families.

Next to Hugh’s bedside, I saw a copy of the scriptures, a Bible, Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants, and Pearl of Great Price. Hugh loved spiritual things, and loved to share them. He loved serving as a full-time missionary in the Netherlands. Mom has reminded me of tender moments she spent with him the night before he left to serve. As a missionary he developed a great love for the Dutch language and people. He continued to love missionary work for the rest of his life, and one of his proudest accomplishments was sending Daren on a mission.

But back to the scriptures. I share a love with Hugh of the Old Testament story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego; Hugh frequently told this story even as his illness progressed. He understood well its deeper meaning, and I think it helps a bit to address that very difficult question of why the kinds of things Hugh has just been through happen to good people.

You’ll recall that along with the prophet Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego were Hebrew exiles carried captive into Babylon. They were raised in the court of the tyrant king Nebuchadnezzar, but like Hugh they had firm grounding in their heritage and in the gospel. Nebuchadnezzar commissioned the creation of a golden image, set it up in the plain of Dura, in the province of Babylon, and commanded that the leaders in his empire should come to its dedication and worship it. He threatened that any who would not worship would be thrown into the fiery furnace. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego knew the true God, and when they were challenged they placed their trust in him and replied:

Daniel 3

17… our God whom we serve is able to ^adeliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king.

18But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not ^aserve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up.

I love the “but if not,” and I know Hugh did too. I’m sure these young men hoped the Lord would deliver them for their righteous obedience, just as we have all hoped that God would allow Hugh to stay with us. But these young men’s obedience was not contingent upon being rescued. They had given their hearts to God, and were determined to serve him regardless of whether or not he would save them from the flames. The furnace was heated 7 times hotter than usual. The men who threw the exiles into the furnace themselves died from the heat. But the Lord did save Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego. In fact, he gave them an even greater blessing: when Nebuchadnezzar looked in, he saw not three but four men walking in the midst of the fire, and he saw that the form of the fourth was like the Son of God.

Hugh’s story did not turn out quite the same; instead, it was a case of “but if not.” But Hugh had the same kind of faith as Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego. He had hope that the Lord would save him from the fiery furnace of disease and pain and affliction, but his obedience and his faith were not contingent on that outcome. This is one of those times when “but if not” applies, yet we can rest assured that the Lord is mindful of both the pain and the faith. And the fiery furnace Hugh went through became a refiner’s fire. I believe it helped to soften him and increase his spiritual sensitivity; by the way he kept moving forward through it all a good man did get better in the midst of affliction. And who is to say that Hugh is not now walking with the Son of God?

Hugh has some priesthood manuals. He was never released from his last Church calling as President of his Elders’ Quorum; he passed holding sacred priesthood keys, which are the right to exercise the authority of God to bless others. More than once I heard him worrying about his brethren even while he was hurting himself. Sitting around me here are 3 fine young men, who received that same priesthood as a sacred heritage from their father. This is yet another important reminder of what Hugh was about.

One of the things Elders do is give priesthood blessings for the healing of the sick. Hugh was the recipient of a number of these blessings; I gave him more than one myself. As I with you wonder about why things have turned out as they have, I have received great comfort from the instructions given to the church in modern scripture, the Doctrine and Covenants, about how to bless the sick:

D&C 42

44 And the elders of the church, two or more, shall be called, and shall pray for and ^alay their ^bhands upon them in my name; and if they ^cdie they shall ^ddie unto me, and if they live they shall live unto me.

45 Thou shalt ^alive together in ^blove, insomuch that thou shalt ^cweep for the loss of them that die…

46 And it shall come to pass that those that die in me shall not ^ataste of ^bdeath, for it shall be ^csweet unto them;

I’m sure it was.

The manner of Hugh’s passing leaves little doubt that his Heavenly Father has called him home. Despite the best efforts of skilled physicians, and despite the most loving care possible, this was a “but if not” time. I can only conclude that great though our need for Hugh’s presence here may be, our Heavenly Father’s purpose for him in the next world is greater. We see only a tiny slice of eternity. It is true that mortality is an important slice, for it is during this time on Earth that we grow and learn the crucial skills of living by faith and standing at least partly on our own. However, mortality is only the blink of an eye compared to eternity. We see only a tiny slice, but the Lord sees it all. As Hugh did, we need to put our trust in the All-Seeing One.

On the wall of Hugh’s living room is a beautiful family portrait, taken just before Daren left on his mission. I’m sure Hugh would say that of all the things he ever did, the best was marrying Diane and raising four wonderful children together with her. One of my favorite songs is one written by Dan Fogelberg, titled “Leader of the Band.” Of his father, Fogelberg sang, “The leader of the band is tired and his eyes are growing old, but his blood runs through my instrument and his song is in my soul. My life has been a poor attempt to imitate the man. I am a living legacy to the leader of the band.” In the same way, Hugh’s family is a living legacy to him. They are wonderful, and that does not happen by accident, but is happening because Hugh and Diane have done a marvelous job. Making memories with his family was one of Hugh’s favorite things to do. Treasure those memories. And Daren, Jerry, Libby, and Conner, the best way you can be a living legacy to your Dad is to live the gospel of Jesus Christ, making and keeping sacred covenants the way your Dad did.

Hugh wore a simple gold wedding band. As you know, a ring connects on itself so there is no beginning and no end. The ring reminds me of the wonderful doctrine that our souls are eternal, without beginning or end. It also reminds me of the sacred covenants Hugh made with Diane and with our Heavenly Father. It symbolizes sacred blessings that transcend this life, that are promised to those who keep their covenants. My brother was not perfect; only one has ever achieved that in mortality. But as a covenant keeper Hugh was one who did as the last prophet of the Book of Mormon, Moroni, invited all of us to do at the very end of that sacred record:

Moroni 10:32

32 Yea, come unto Christ, and be perfected in him, and deny yourselves of all ungodliness; and if ye shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ; …

33 And again, if ye by the grace of God are perfect in Christ, and deny not his power, then are ye sanctified in Christ by the grace of God, through the shedding of the blood of Christ, which is in the covenant of the Father unto the remission of your sins, that ye become holy, without spot.

I know that God keeps his promises. Hugh kept his covenants, and came unto Christ, so the promises are sure. Our Heavenly Father never breaks the promises he makes to us in return. Because of this, the family Hugh loved so much is a forever family. There is ALWAYS hope! I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.