Change in article......

Oops.....received a call from the journalist from the Tribune. Article is to be in next Sunday's paper.....front page. :) If it is changed again....I will let you know!
Conner's team lost 0-1 in double overtime in the quarter finals of Dallas Cup! They lost to Momterey Mexico. Good game. Hugh would have been proud. :)

Tribute to Hugh and Jerry.......

For those still checking.......the Tribune has been doing a story on Hugh and Jerry. I was notified today that the story would be on the front page of the Tribune this Sunday. Just an FYI. Will be a nice tribute for the two of them.

Thanks.......

Well, we are tired! I don't know if many are still checking the "blog". We feel so blessed to have so many friends and family supporting us. Thank you all for your support over the past days, weeks, months and for some years! We have our moments of sadness. I am sure that is normal. I never realized the amount of "things" that had to be done with someones passing. It has been all consuming! We have felt carried in some sense and know that Hugh is with us along this new journey. Daren returned to Mexico on Tuesday. I spoke with him on Wednesday when he arrived back to the small city that he is serving in. It was such a blessing to have him home for a short time. He was able to close this chapter in his life and to just "be a missionary" now. All of our lives will be changed for ever. I reflect back on the tender mercies all along the way and how much I have learned of service and giving. We have learned so much from all of you. I hope that one day I can "pay it forward." Brighton played Alta today in soccer. Alta had a moment of silence for Hugh and honored him. It was nice. Conner is off to Dallas this next week with his team for "Dallas Cup." They play a team from Mexico their first game. Should be exciting. Life goes on......changed but still goes on. We will move forward with the fondest of memories and continue "makin memories" together. Thanks and love to all. Love........Diane and kids. :)

Funeral Address by David

Funeral Address for Hugh Gunn Dearden

11 Apr 2011

The fact that so many of you are here, and so many more wished to be here, is a testament to the influence my brother’s life has had and of the love that so many felt toward him and his family. Though I did not want to admit it, I have known for some time that I would need to give this talk. Hugh asked me a few months ago to do it, and I objected at first: “I don’t want to speak at your funeral!” I said, but on further reflection I told him that if that day came I would consider it a privilege and an honor. Now that day is here, and we have a few minutes to rejoice together in Hugh’s life and accomplishments. I suppose I should be one of the ones who should rejoice the most, as I have known Hugh for all the 48 years of his life.

A few of you may know that this is not the first time I have spoken at a funeral like this one. Thirty years ago, our father Melvin Dearden passed away, under circumstances uncannily similar to those that Hugh and his family have just experienced. My heart goes out to Mom, who has had to go through this twice! And to Diane, who has borne the brunt of this so courageously. While the last few days have been hard for us on the mortal side of the veil that separates this life from the next, I’m sure a glorious and joyful reunion took place on the other side last Monday. I picture my beaming father introducing Hugh to everyone there with sacred words: “This is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased.” I don’t want to dwell on that much more today, except to say to Diane, Daren, Jerry, Libby, and Conner, that although these things are among the most challenging we experience in mortality, I know some of what you have been through, and what you will go through, because our father’s family has walked some of that road already. You can do it. The power of the Comforter that was promised by our Savior, and to which you have a right because of the covenants you have made with him, is real and will continually bless your lives. You have already experienced, in the midst of this terrible trial, many of the tender mercies extended by a loving Father in Heaven, and I promise you those will continue.

As I’ve looked around over the past week, I see many things that remind me of my big little brother.

For instance, I’m wearing a blue wristband, on which are written the words, “Where there is life … there is hope.” This is something my father frequently said during his illness, and which Hugh embraced and said a lot as well. I understand Libby heard this, and was instrumental in having the wristbands made. Hugh was always full of hope, and that is part of the legacy he leaves for us. And we continue to have hope, because the truth is that there is ALWAYS hope, because of the infinite and eternal atonement carried out by our elder brother, Jesus Christ. We have great hope in the resurrection, and in the ability to overcome our weaknesses and be perfected and lifted to greater things. This kind of hope burned very bright in my brother, and is an example to us all.

The other night, I spent a few minutes sitting in the bedroom Hugh grew up in, just up the hill from here. On the wall is a nice set of antlers from a hunting trip, and this brings back a flood of memories. When we were little, we lived in Texas and Louisiana. One of our favorite things to do was to come on family vacation. We loved those family trips together, always associated with “going home” to Utah. An essential part of each trip was that Dad would take all his boys fishing. So Hugh learned about how you had to hold your mouth right to catch fish (anything but the whiney position, known as “boobing” in our family, was OK). He learned the places to go on the Weber River above Henefer, but the best places were on the Whitney Forest Reserve in the Uintahs, where our grandfather Dearden kept sheep in the summer. There you could catch native cutthroat trout, and not have to settle for planted rainbows. That was sacred ground to us, and still is. It is where Hugh learned to love the outdoors, fishing, and later, hunting. He loved being outdoors amidst God’s creations.

On a set of shelves in that same room is a nice collection of sports trophies: mostly baseball and softball, some football, and a few other sports thrown in. Somewhere Hugh has an old, beat-up, Charlie Brown-style baseball mitt that originally belonged to our Dad. Hugh started playing PeeWee and Little League baseball in Houston, Texas and later New Orleans, Louisiana, and he was always good at it. Hugh was always the best athlete in the family, by far. He kept playing when we moved to Utah, and added high school football and church basketball and softball. He was a competitor with a drive to win. Giving up was not in him. He understood very well the scriptural injunction to “endure to the end,” to play with his all to the final whistle, and now he has done it. He has passed that legacy to his children, all of whom have athletic talent and winning hearts.

Hugh was a graduate of the University of Utah, but he has a closet full of BYU tee shirts, hats, and other Cougar fan essentials. I used to think my Dad was the greatest BYU sports fan who ever lived, but I believe Hugh now deserves the title. He rejoiced in every BYU victory. Like me, Hugh could be a little grumpy when the Cougars did not prevail. I will treasure the memory of going to the final home football game of last season with him this past fall; it was a good day, as BYU won. While you may or may not agree with his preferences, I hope you can with me admire Hugh’s loyalty to his favorite team.

Later in life, Hugh discovered soccer. While I know he enjoyed the beautiful game, he loved it mostly because his children loved it and he loved watching them play—family was what it was really all about. He reveled in seeing Jerry making a good tackle or Conner making a great save. I suspect he will continue to love the game and to watch, although as Jerry says he’ll now be able to do so from a much better seat. I hope we can all, like Hugh, develop a passion to love things together with our families.

Next to Hugh’s bedside, I saw a copy of the scriptures, a Bible, Book of Mormon, Doctrine and Covenants, and Pearl of Great Price. Hugh loved spiritual things, and loved to share them. He loved serving as a full-time missionary in the Netherlands. Mom has reminded me of tender moments she spent with him the night before he left to serve. As a missionary he developed a great love for the Dutch language and people. He continued to love missionary work for the rest of his life, and one of his proudest accomplishments was sending Daren on a mission.

But back to the scriptures. I share a love with Hugh of the Old Testament story of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego; Hugh frequently told this story even as his illness progressed. He understood well its deeper meaning, and I think it helps a bit to address that very difficult question of why the kinds of things Hugh has just been through happen to good people.

You’ll recall that along with the prophet Daniel, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego were Hebrew exiles carried captive into Babylon. They were raised in the court of the tyrant king Nebuchadnezzar, but like Hugh they had firm grounding in their heritage and in the gospel. Nebuchadnezzar commissioned the creation of a golden image, set it up in the plain of Dura, in the province of Babylon, and commanded that the leaders in his empire should come to its dedication and worship it. He threatened that any who would not worship would be thrown into the fiery furnace. Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego knew the true God, and when they were challenged they placed their trust in him and replied:

Daniel 3

17… our God whom we serve is able to ^adeliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king.

18But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not ^aserve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up.

I love the “but if not,” and I know Hugh did too. I’m sure these young men hoped the Lord would deliver them for their righteous obedience, just as we have all hoped that God would allow Hugh to stay with us. But these young men’s obedience was not contingent upon being rescued. They had given their hearts to God, and were determined to serve him regardless of whether or not he would save them from the flames. The furnace was heated 7 times hotter than usual. The men who threw the exiles into the furnace themselves died from the heat. But the Lord did save Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego. In fact, he gave them an even greater blessing: when Nebuchadnezzar looked in, he saw not three but four men walking in the midst of the fire, and he saw that the form of the fourth was like the Son of God.

Hugh’s story did not turn out quite the same; instead, it was a case of “but if not.” But Hugh had the same kind of faith as Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego. He had hope that the Lord would save him from the fiery furnace of disease and pain and affliction, but his obedience and his faith were not contingent on that outcome. This is one of those times when “but if not” applies, yet we can rest assured that the Lord is mindful of both the pain and the faith. And the fiery furnace Hugh went through became a refiner’s fire. I believe it helped to soften him and increase his spiritual sensitivity; by the way he kept moving forward through it all a good man did get better in the midst of affliction. And who is to say that Hugh is not now walking with the Son of God?

Hugh has some priesthood manuals. He was never released from his last Church calling as President of his Elders’ Quorum; he passed holding sacred priesthood keys, which are the right to exercise the authority of God to bless others. More than once I heard him worrying about his brethren even while he was hurting himself. Sitting around me here are 3 fine young men, who received that same priesthood as a sacred heritage from their father. This is yet another important reminder of what Hugh was about.

One of the things Elders do is give priesthood blessings for the healing of the sick. Hugh was the recipient of a number of these blessings; I gave him more than one myself. As I with you wonder about why things have turned out as they have, I have received great comfort from the instructions given to the church in modern scripture, the Doctrine and Covenants, about how to bless the sick:

D&C 42

44 And the elders of the church, two or more, shall be called, and shall pray for and ^alay their ^bhands upon them in my name; and if they ^cdie they shall ^ddie unto me, and if they live they shall live unto me.

45 Thou shalt ^alive together in ^blove, insomuch that thou shalt ^cweep for the loss of them that die…

46 And it shall come to pass that those that die in me shall not ^ataste of ^bdeath, for it shall be ^csweet unto them;

I’m sure it was.

The manner of Hugh’s passing leaves little doubt that his Heavenly Father has called him home. Despite the best efforts of skilled physicians, and despite the most loving care possible, this was a “but if not” time. I can only conclude that great though our need for Hugh’s presence here may be, our Heavenly Father’s purpose for him in the next world is greater. We see only a tiny slice of eternity. It is true that mortality is an important slice, for it is during this time on Earth that we grow and learn the crucial skills of living by faith and standing at least partly on our own. However, mortality is only the blink of an eye compared to eternity. We see only a tiny slice, but the Lord sees it all. As Hugh did, we need to put our trust in the All-Seeing One.

On the wall of Hugh’s living room is a beautiful family portrait, taken just before Daren left on his mission. I’m sure Hugh would say that of all the things he ever did, the best was marrying Diane and raising four wonderful children together with her. One of my favorite songs is one written by Dan Fogelberg, titled “Leader of the Band.” Of his father, Fogelberg sang, “The leader of the band is tired and his eyes are growing old, but his blood runs through my instrument and his song is in my soul. My life has been a poor attempt to imitate the man. I am a living legacy to the leader of the band.” In the same way, Hugh’s family is a living legacy to him. They are wonderful, and that does not happen by accident, but is happening because Hugh and Diane have done a marvelous job. Making memories with his family was one of Hugh’s favorite things to do. Treasure those memories. And Daren, Jerry, Libby, and Conner, the best way you can be a living legacy to your Dad is to live the gospel of Jesus Christ, making and keeping sacred covenants the way your Dad did.

Hugh wore a simple gold wedding band. As you know, a ring connects on itself so there is no beginning and no end. The ring reminds me of the wonderful doctrine that our souls are eternal, without beginning or end. It also reminds me of the sacred covenants Hugh made with Diane and with our Heavenly Father. It symbolizes sacred blessings that transcend this life, that are promised to those who keep their covenants. My brother was not perfect; only one has ever achieved that in mortality. But as a covenant keeper Hugh was one who did as the last prophet of the Book of Mormon, Moroni, invited all of us to do at the very end of that sacred record:

Moroni 10:32

32 Yea, come unto Christ, and be perfected in him, and deny yourselves of all ungodliness; and if ye shall deny yourselves of all ungodliness, and love God with all your might, mind and strength, then is his grace sufficient for you, that by his grace ye may be perfect in Christ; …

33 And again, if ye by the grace of God are perfect in Christ, and deny not his power, then are ye sanctified in Christ by the grace of God, through the shedding of the blood of Christ, which is in the covenant of the Father unto the remission of your sins, that ye become holy, without spot.

I know that God keeps his promises. Hugh kept his covenants, and came unto Christ, so the promises are sure. Our Heavenly Father never breaks the promises he makes to us in return. Because of this, the family Hugh loved so much is a forever family. There is ALWAYS hope! I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Huge

In 1999, I headed up an experimental soccer team for the Cosmos soccer club.  The club had never started a team as young as Under 9 (U-9) before, but a couple of the other clubs were doing it and we thought we would try it out.  There were very few boys who showed up for that initial tryout and I ended up keeping 3 kids on the team who were a year younger, true Under 8 age players (ya, seven year olds), Jerry Dearden being one of them.  Little did I know at the time that would end up being the introduction to one of the finest men and greatest friends that I would ever know in my lifetime. 

I remember the first parents meeting when I told the parents to look around them because the people that are here today will probably end up becoming some of your best friends.  I had seen it many times before with all the time put into practices, games, and traveling to cities across the country that you always end up spending a great deal of time with those other soccer parents.  As I read the blog posts from various soccer parents, I see that many of those relationships have stood the test of time with Hugh and Diane.   

I quickly learned the Dearden family was one-of-a-kind, always there to help out in any and every way possible.  Not only did Hugh agree to be my assistant coach with the team, he also quickly became involved in the administration of the club.  I remember the first club meeting Hugh and Diane showed up to and on the agenda I had miss-spelled Hugh’s name and wrote HUGE.  I imagine he said something like “oh stars…”, and I really did feel bad about the error, but as it turns out looking back over the past 12 years, that miss-spelling may have been correct after all. 

I don’t know that I have ever met anyone that has had such a HUGE impact on others.  Maybe it was just Hugh’s HUGE heart or giving spirit or his HUGE smile and sense of comfort you received being around him.  He was a true example of what it meant to give service to others.  One day I was having some problems with my sprinklers and was telling Hugh about it.  Later that day, he showed up unannounced and out of the blue with his shovel and sprinkler tools to fix it.  Another time, he noticed a problem with my fence, the next day he showed up unannounced to help me fix it.  I could tell countless other stories of when he took time away from his family and just showed up to help, it is just who he was and I hope I can follow his example to be able to help others in the same way. 

Hugh always had connections for everything.  When we needed to raise money for our soccer team, he always had a guy he knew, like the guy who sold fireworks or ran the concessions out at Usana, and always seemed to have a solution way better than anyone else could ever dream up.  Everyone always benefited from Hugh in a HUGE way. 

A few years later, Jerry moved into his own age group and even though I was no longer his coach nor Hugh my assistant, he kept in regular contact with me about all the soccer experiences and regular updates about his family.  He would always call to tell me the details of a particular game, how good Conner was doing, or something that happened with Libby’s team.  You could just hear the pride in his voice as he told me about Daren getting his mission call or Jerry winning the State Championship.  I’ve worked with and known a number of great families over the years, but I can honestly say I have never met a dad that was so HUGELY involved in his children’s lives as Hugh Dearden. 

I will never forget the day Hugh called to tell me he had stage 4 cancer.  It was a real blow to him and his family.  However, he remained that steady rock and assured me that he was going to do everything he could to beat it.  It seemed like nearly every week there was another miracle happening but unfortunately Hugh’s condition was deteriorating.  A few months ago I took a business trip with him to Southern Utah since he was unable to drive that distance.  He kept thanking me, but all I could think of was to thank GOD for allowing me the opportunity to spend this kind of quality time with Hugh and letting us take this one final journey together.  I asked Hugh who he was most worried about, Diane, Daren since he was away, or Conner and Libby because they are still so young?  His reply with tears in his eyes was…”all of them”  He couldn’t separate his deep love and conviction for any of his family which to me again embodied who Hugh Dearden was. 

Now that Hugh is gone I am faced with really feeling the HUGE void in my life from this HUGE loss.  I keep thinking of all the things I wish I had asked him or that I should have done for him when he needed me the most.  I know GOD has a plan, but I find myself wondering why someone who has made such a HUGE impact on others the way Hugh has, would be taken away.  As I think back, I can’t remember Hugh ever saying anything negative about anyone or showing ill feelings about anything.  He was so easy going and yet when something had to be done, Hugh was always first to step up to the plate.  I have so many great memories of Hugh and it was a HUGE honor to have Hugh Dearden and the entire Dearden family in my life.  Hugh will always be a HUGE example to me of what it means to be a true and genuine hero.

Dave LiPuma

Courage, Hope and Faith

The Dearden’s,

It is a mix of both sadness and joy that we write this.  It has been a joy to know Hugh and the entire Dearden family for the last eleven years.  While we know that Hugh has moved on to a better place, it seems like just yesterday that we were at a soccer tournament together and didn’t really value the limited time Hugh had left on this earth.

I’d like to share a story of Hugh that exemplifies him as the man he was and the man that lives on through his children. We were caravanning back from a tournament in California just six months ago.  We were all in a hurry to get home and it was getting late since the boys had played in the championship game.  We stopped to get gas and to take a quick break in St. George.  In Dianne’s typical friendly, unassuming way, she asked the troubled looking store clerk if she was okay.  The answer that came back was a bit of a surprise.  She had just been diagnosed with cancer.

With a little encouragement from Dianne, Hugh went into the store to tell the clerk of his story with cancer.  While I did not hear the conversation, I have no doubt that it was one of Courage, Hope, and Faith.  It didn’t matter that we had cars full of kids who were getting home late with school the next day and a 3.5 hour drive still in front of us, Hugh took the time to brighten someone’s day.  Whether it was his smile, a catch phrase (“what the fetch”), or some dry, witty humor, Hugh had a quiet way of making one’s day a little brighter.

Dianne, Daren, Jerry, Connor and Libby, as you go through this transition, please continue to move forward with Courage, Hope and Faith and know that you have many friends to help you all along the way. 

The Hintze’s

Hugh's Obituary

http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/saltlaketribune/obituary.aspx?n=hugh-dearden&pid=150108782

Coming to a close.......

Can I just say that I had no idea what was involved with funerals! Today was quite an eye opener. We have now finalized the funeral plans. The obituary will appear in this Saturday and Sunday paper. The time for the "viewing" will be at the address listed to the side....from 6:00-8:30 p.m. on Sunday night. The funeral service will be held at our chapel on Monday the 11th of April at noon. Friends and family can visit prior from 10:30-11:40 a.m. Thank you to all who have helped with all of the arrangements. If you have time, please send Camille stories or thoughts regarding Hugh. This is something that will mean so much to the kids and one day the grand-kids. We have great friends and family and feel so blessed at this time. We could not have done this without all of you!

Funeral Plans

Hugh & Diane in Cozumel

We wanted to update all as to when Hugh's funeral will be. We are planning on having the viewing on Sunday evening around 6:00 p.m. at the Larkin Morturary off of 10600 South. (I will update the exact address when I know what it is!) The funeral is scheduled for Monday the 11th of April around noon. The funeral service will be held at the chapel that is across from our house, for those of you that know where we live! The burial will take place at the mortuary that is just down Bengal blvd. This information is vague but I wanted to let you know of the date for now. We will update again. Many have asked if our son, Daren is returning from his Mission for the funeral service. We have left this entirely up to Daren. Our Stake President and his Mission President were in full support as to what Daren felt that he needed to do. Daren has chosen to come home for the funeral service. I have to say, as a mother that I am absolutely thrilled. I never did tell him this because he needed to make this decision for himself. Myself and the kids have such support and love surrounding us. I feel that it is important for Daren to "close this chapter of his life." Daren has been so involved in Hugh's cancer from the beginning. He was involved in the decisions, care, going to appointments and such. I feel that he needs to be surrounded by loved ones that can comfort him at this time and offer support that we have all felt while going through these past few weeks. Daren is an amazing missionary and knows that the Lord is with him always, comforting him and watching over him. I shared with him, that I could not wait for the day that he could just be a missionary and not worry about things at home. We all know where Hugh is and it is beautiful. A friend reminded me that almost a year ago, Daren was involved in the "race for life" at the University of Utah. Hugh was a speaker at this event and shared his story and what he had learned from his cancer thus far. I can't believe that was a year ago. I am rambling now, but I wanted all to know of Daren's decision. He will be here for a short time but the purpose for his visit will be met and then he will return to the Mission field in Mexico. The kids and I spent 3 hours this morning trying to find the "perfect" plot for Hugh's burial. We were able to narrow our choices down to three. Conner and Libby decided that they were done with the decisions, so Grandma took them to breakfast. This left Jerry and I. First of all, Jerry and I are the WORST at making a decision. The mortuary was laughing at us because I was telling them that Jerry was the worst at helping me with a decision and my child that is more opinionated is in Mexico! Well, after much pondering and walking in the snow, we feel that we found the "perfect place" for Hugh! Searching for plots is not something that I ever thought that I would do at my age. Jerry and I kept laughing because we could just see Hugh looking down on us with absolute frustration and saying, "oh my fetch! Just make a decision and lets get out of here!" Friends and family, thank you and we love you. We are hanging in there!

A blessing

With mixed emotions I write this post. As you know, Hugh left this world peacefully, surrounded by myself and the kids and other family. Words cannot describe the experience. Hugh was comfortable today and was aware of his surroundings. I talked with the kids about death and dying and what the experience is like. As a hospice nurse I have witnessed this miracle many times. When it is your own loved one it is even more beautiful. Worrying about the kids I explained what this process is like and that Hugh's time was very short. I wanted to give them permission to not be with him when his time came to leave us. Each of the kids immediately wanted to be with Hugh. I will be forever grateful for this experience that we as a family shared together. Hugh waited for the kids to arrive today. We reassured him that we would all be well and that he could let go and go be with his dad. We were all able to express our love for each other. Yesterday Hugh was much more cognitive and all of us were able to talk with him. He was able to assist in giving myself and each of the kids a blessing. We are so grateful for the memories that we have with each other. Many of these memories are with all of you, our good friends and family. After Hugh's passing, I was able to call Daren in Mexico. We all talked with him. Many tears were shared and much laughter. It was good for Daren as well as the rest of us to be able to share these tender moments with him, all together. After, the kids decided that we should all go to the "Training Table" to eat! That is one place that Hugh and the kids would like to go. This evening has been filled with much support, laughter, tears, and just being home. Our kids feel so much support and love. They commented tonight that there is a sense of relief. Dad is not suffering any more. The battle is over. We know that there are many difficult days that are ahead. We could not get through this time without all of the love and support. I have said before, that as a mother, there is nothing you want more than to take away the pain from your kids. They are all doing well, because of friends, coaches, teachers and family. Thank you. Please continue to keep an eye on them. :) Funeral.....? We will continue to keep you posted. We are waiting to hear from Daren as to if he is coming home for the funeral or not. We have left this entirely up to Daren. We will support his decision 100% but it needs to be HIS decision and what he needs. We are planning on either this Friday or the following Monday. We will know more tomorrow and will update then.

Today I witnessed a Miracle

At 12:39 PM April 4th, 2011 Hugh Gunn Dearden passed surrounded by family.

The miracle was that he waited for his children to be at his side, acknowledged them, said their "I Love You's" and then freely moved onto his next stage in progression.

Extra time is running out, but we are winning!

After speaking with the doctors this morning, it is becoming clear that we are very near the end of this phase of Hugh's existence. Tumors are invading the bladder and causing serious problems. We understand that the treatments that would be required to address the bladder issues Hugh is now experiencing would be invasive and painful and probably would neither buy much time nor give him much if any comfort. We have therefore decided to make him as comfortable as possible. The doctor's best guess is that kidney failure will follow within a day or two.

We asked Hugh how he felt about this and he replied that he still had a few bills to pay! However, after some reflection, he also said he felt ready. He says he's got to move on, and keep moving forward. He's also been quick to express his love and appreciation to his family and friends.

We very much appreciate the comfort and support that so many of you have given. It is probably best that we keep visitors to a minimum now so that the family can make the most of the time they have left.

At times like these we are especially grateful for the gospel. Living the gospel does not mean you will be free of adversity or always healed from sicknesses or protected from accidents or troubles. But it does mean you can have comfort and the assurance that the Lord is mindful of you and that he loves you, and that come what may, all will be well in the end. We see such a tiny slice of eternity, and it means everything to us, but the Lord sees the whole view and knows what is best for us eternally. We also have the wonderful assurance of knowing that we have covenanted with God, that we have kept our covenants, and that he never breaks his end of the deal. The promises are sure, and that is a source of great comfort. Although things like this are some of the hardest things we have to deal with in mortality, we also get to see a great deal of the tender mercies of our Father in Heaven as we go through these things. Much of that has come through the outpouring of love that has come from family and friends.

Thanks,
David Dearden

Back to the ER

Hugh went back to the Emergency Room last night.  The spread of the cancer in his bladder is causing further complications.   Diane asked me to share this information with you. As soon as she has an opportunity she will give us more information.  Please continue to use the blog to communicate with the family.

Time

Hugh the Ref
Photo Courtesy of Jeff Hughes

I have to say that I do hate computers! For those of you that know me well, I am a bit challenged when it comes to computers! For the past few days the blog would not let me get onto it. I sat for what felt like hours trying to get the stupid "parental block" off of the computer. It was blocking me from even getting onto the blog! This really is my therapy. A social worker that I work with told me to journal. He said that really helps with grief. Well, I am not the best at keeping a journal but I decided that writing on this blog and writing to our oldest son serving a mission is like "journaling"! So, a good friend of ours came to my rescue and "fixed" our computer so that I have access again. Thanks Al! :)

Time......there never seems to be enough time. Especially now for us as a family. Hugh did return from the hospital on Wednesday afternoon. He headed straight for the bed. After a week in a hospital bed, there is nothing like returning to your own bed. Basically he really has not left that spot since he returned home. My Aunt in Alaska sent us new sheets for our bed.....smart lady! Going to bed has never felt so good. I blame her for Hugh not wanting to get out of bed. The last few days in the hospital Hugh was gaining some of his energy back. He completed radiation to his brain on Wednesday. We met with the Radiation Oncologist after his treatment. He spent quite some time with us. All of the doctors have been shocked as to the progression of this cancer. This most recent event was due to a reaction to the medication that is used during radiation for the swelling that may occur in the brain. Upon discharge, Hugh's labs had returned to normal. The doctors said that his prognosis does not change with the events of the past week. We were excited to have him home.

Well, each day Hugh seems to decline more and more. Thus, never having enough time to do some of the things that have been left undone. He is taking in very little orally and like I said previously is sleeping almost 90% of the time. Everything has just seemed to happen so fast. That good old saying to live each day as though it were your last is so true. You just never know what life may throw at you. I do know however that we are NEVER given anything that we cannot handle. Our ability to "handle" things as a family is only possible with the love and support that we have so felt from all of our family and friends. Thank you for the prayers in our behalf. There is a peace that comes from knowing and feeling that. We did sign Hugh onto hospice today. The hospice agency that I work for, Sunbrook Home Health and Hospice, is going to follow Hugh. I could not do this without the support of my work either. They have been truly amazing. Thank you. We do not feel that Hugh has much time left on this earth. Of course no one has a crystal ball and we know that we are not in charge. Time will only tell. For now we continue to cherish every moment.

Last night the seniors and coaches from the Brighton soccer team came to our house. (Our son, Jerry is one of those seniors!) They came to offer support and to let Hugh know that they dedicated the game in honor to him today. The team has arm bands that they wear for each game with Hugh's initials on them. They presented Hugh with a ball that they all signed. For that period of time that was spent with those boys, gathered around our bed, Hugh was alert and able to share some thoughts and much humor. We all laughed and cried together. After, Hugh slept once again. During our visit with the team, we discussed the importance of friends and supporting each other. So many times in life we may not know what someone is faced with or that they may be hurting. We just need to not pass judgment and support each other. This I have so found in my kids friends. Teenagers need their friends. We are so blessed that our kids have good, supportive friends. Thank you all! Hugh told his brother this morning that he did not want visitors because he needed to get a good rest so that he would be able to go to Jerry's High School game. We did not think that would happen, but sure enough, he was able to muster just enough energy to get out of the house and to the car and watch the soccer game from the car. We know in our hearts that this is probably the last soccer game that Hugh will be able to attend. Fortunately, the team won! We did laugh about the fact that Jerry asked the coach if they lost, could they dedicate the next game in his honor to make sure that the game that was dedicated was one of the games they won!

Family......there is nothing like family. Through this process for us we have grown so much closer together. Not only just our family but the extended family as well. Hugh's family has been such a support to us. His brother, Bruce arrived yesterday from Alabama. It has been nice to have him be able to spend time with Hugh. His older brother and little sister and mom spent many hours at the hospital and with us now. This has been especially difficult for them to watch this progression. Hugh lost his dad to the same thing when he was a senior in high school. His siblings were the same age as our kids now. I could not handle this situation without my brothers and mom. My oldest brother lives in Arizona and my dad passed away several years ago. My mom was out of town when Hugh initially had his seizure. My brother Jaren filled shoes by being my mom and dad and other brother all in one!
I feel like I am rambling and I probably am. I just have all of these things inside my head! Many of the staff at Huntsman have these pins that say, "Cancer Sucks." I have thought a lot about that. At first I thought, geeze get me one of those things. But as I have reflected over this journey, I think that I would not want one of those silly pins. Yes, this situation is not easy. Even if we think that we are ready to loose a loved one, it is still difficult. I know that I have grown and learned more from this journey than not. We have had so many blessings and tender mercies that we have grown from that I would never change. Sometimes those difficult things we go through in life are really life's best lessons. So yes, I don't like this stupid illness and I am mad that it is changing our world for this brief moment but it has helped us have such a different perspective and has strengthened us far more.

Daren.....Mexico City West Mission. Our Stake President spoke with the Mission President in Mexico City and arranged for us to call Daren in the morning. We feel that he needs to be able to talk with Hugh while he can. We will be able to call again if needed. Some of you receive Daren's letters and know that he is doing well. Yes, this is such a difficult situation for him. Many people have asked if he will come home for a short period of time. This is entirely up to Daren and we will support his decision either way. I think that I have shared before that at Daren's farewell, he shared how he waited and waited for a medical confirmation that his dad would be well. He did not receive that confirmation but said that he received a different confirmation. That confirmation of knowing that no matter what happens on this earthly life it is but a moment in time and that all would be well. Daren will do what Daren needs to do. I know that we will be able to get through this and I have shared with him how much love and support we have. Again, we could never thank everyone enough for all of the support in so many different ways. Please don't forget us, especially the kids when all of this is behind us. We will still need that support. I have learned so much from everyone and only hope that one day, I will be able to pay it forward! Thanks to all of you from the bottom of our hearts. For now, the Deardens will just enjoy the time that we have together.

My Hero

Hugh suggested to us that if we all placed our trials in the middle of the room and had to choose which ones we wanted; each of us would gladly take ours back.  After sharing this with us, Hugh said, “I would take mine too.”

Why would he be so willing?  I think there are a couple obvious reasons.  1) He wouldn’t want anyone else to have to go through what he is, and 2) He is capable of dealing with this test maintaining his faith so that we all can learn and grow.

Sitting by Hugh’s side has built my faith, given me greater hope, and allowed me a chance to look into Heaven from here on earth.  I don’t want to let Hugh down by not learning from his extraordinary example.  I don’t want to have his pain and suffering be wasted on my lack of understanding.  I commit that I will observe with my heart so that the spirit that attends Hugh will settle in my soul.

Hugh, from the day I met you, in every engagement since, and forever more I will be a better person for having participated in your life.  You have never wavered in your belief, you have maintained a spirit of compassion, and you are completely dedicated to friends and family.

Thank you for your courage, for being unwavering, and for setting an example for us to live by!  May the windows of Heaven open ever so slightly to give you a glimpse of the magnitude of your character!  As a husband, father, son, brother, and friend, you have improved the world all around you. God Bless you to receive the desires of your heart to finish your journey in mortality as you would wish.